A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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