k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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