I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
