Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
