I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
