can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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