I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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