You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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