i need an iv and a liver transplant
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
