Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
