It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex in a hospital.. check
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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