Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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