the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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