I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Couch. On fire.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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