your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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