I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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