She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize