mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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