I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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