neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
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And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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