We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
