thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
