Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
organizing the empties. That sober.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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