My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
