Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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