Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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