toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
