he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
