we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
