...so i touched it.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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