Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
now i know why i became what i already was.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
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He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
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Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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