Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize