i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
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oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
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Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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