how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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