The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
