I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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