Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
