I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
