im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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