none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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