Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
