worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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