After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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