I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
