i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
