dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
