just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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