Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
