i was born a porn star she said
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
