sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
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The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
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Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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