I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
