I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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