I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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