I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
