Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
