Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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