we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
