i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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