Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
