The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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