We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
