I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
