What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
