I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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