...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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