She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I want you more than these girls want KFC
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She's the barista slut.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
