you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
